Let’s be honest: no one wants to end or ruin a relationship. Occasionally, we unknowingly commit actions that gradually diminish love, leaving behind only anger.
I’ve seen it happen. Jake, my closest buddy, had what seemed like the ideal marriage. But one day, it wasn’t. There weren’t any huge fights or cheating; they simply slowly drifted apart.
His therapist told him, “You didn’t mean to, but you both let little things ruin your relationship.”
Does this sound like anything you’ve heard before?
Today, we’re going to talk about the top ways individuals mess up their relationships, with help from actual therapists from all around the U.S. We will also show you how to remedy these problems before it’s too late.
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1. Bad communication is the quickest way to end a relationship.
Therapist Insight: “Couples don’t fight about the real issue; they fight because they don’t feel heard.”
— Dr. Lisa Thompson, New York Couples Counselor
Sarah and Mark were together for eight years in real life. They loved each other, yet they constantly fought like this:
Sarah: “You never do anything to help around the house!”
Mark: “Well, you never thank me for what I do!”
They simply continued harming each other instead of fixing the situation.
How to Fix It: Instead of saying “You never help!” say “I feel overwhelmed when I do all the chores alone.”
Pay attention instead of simply waiting to speak.
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2. Not appreciating each other: the slow poison –Ruin Relationship
A therapist once said, “Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a choice you make every day.” If you stop coming, the relationship ends.
– Dr. Carlos Mendez, Marriage Counselor in California
For example, my cousin Mia and her husband stopped dating after they were married. There were no more “just because” roses or other surprises. Mia remarked, “It felt like we were roommates, not lovers,” five years later.
How to Fix It: Little things make a difference. A text that says “Thinking of you” or preparing coffee for your partner in the morning helps maintain love.
Plan frequent dating dates with no phones or other distractions.
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3. Letting anger Build: The Silent Killer – Ruin Relationship
Therapist Insight: “Unspoken resentment is like termites—it eats away at the foundation until the whole thing collapses.”
— Dr. Rachel Kim, Licensed Therapist in Texas
For example, my buddy Jake never informed his wife how much her business travels affected him. Instead, he kept his feelings to himself until one night when he finally exploded and said, “You care more about your job than us!” By that time, the damage had already occurred.
How to Fix It: Speak out early so that tiny annoyances don’t turn into large grudges.
Don’t keep track of points. Telling someone “I did this, so you should do that” simply makes them angry.
4. Not paying attention to emotional closeness: The Invisible Drift
Therapist Insight: “Couples often forget that emotional connection is what keeps them close and only think about physical intimacy.”
— Dr. Priya Patel, Illinois Relationship Expert
Example from real life: Tom and Lisa, my neighbors, stopped talking about anything except bills and schedules once they had kids. Lisa thought to herself, “We haven’t talked in months.”
How to Fix It: Instead of asking, “How was work?” Ask, “What’s something you’re excited about?”
Even if it’s hard, tell someone how you feel.
5. Refusing to Get Help: Ruin Relationship
Therapist Insight: “Most couples wait too long to come to me.” Therapy isn’t a last option; it’s something you do to keep things going.
— Dr. Michael Brooks, Couples Therapist, Florida
A couple in the Chicago Tribune split after 15 years because they “didn’t believe in therapy.” This is a real-life example. They later said, “We could have saved ourselves if we had gotten help sooner.”
How to Fix It: Don’t wait until something awful happens. If you keep having the same conflicts, you should consult a therapist.
If you would rather not talk to someone in person, try internet therapy.
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Last but not least, love is an action – Ruin Relationship
You don’t wreck relationships in a single night. It occurs in little decisions we make every day:
- Choosing to remain silent instead of being honest is one such decision.
- We allow activity to supplant connection.
- Believing that love is effortless is a mistake.
But here’s the good news: you can fix these blunders. Do it now, before it’s too late.
Your turn: Have you ever done anything that may wreck your relationship? What made you change? Let’s learn from each other by sharing in the comments!
