I still think about the supper we had to celebrate our six-month anniversary. When my boyfriend gave me a neatly wrapped present, my thoughts shouted, “Do you really love him?” It was a moment that made me wonder if these doubts were a sign of relationship OCD.
Could it be possible that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself? I experienced intense nausea. This wasn’t normal uncertainty; it was the start of my relationship OCD symptoms, though I didn’t recognize it at the time.
For months, I – Relationship OCD
I scrutinized each flutter, or the lack of one, in my heart.
Looked at “perfect” couples online and compared them to us
Wanted continuous reassurance “Do you think we’re a good match?”
Made mental lists of his defects as “proof” that I should go
What was the worst part? I loved him. But my mind kept saying, “What if this feeling isn’t real?”
Recognizing the Signs: Relationship OCD?
The signs of relationship OCD is not the same as normal relationship problems. They are:
✔ Intrusive: These are thoughts that arise involuntarily and are unwanted; they often feel strange.
✔ Persistent: They stick with you like mental glue, even when you know they’re not true.
✔ Compulsive: They make you “check” your emotions all the time.
When I spent our vacation surreptitiously completing “love tests” on my phone instead of going for walks at dusk, I knew I had to wake up.
That’s when I searched up “relationship OCD symptoms” on Google and started crying. Finally, I had an answer for what was wrong with me.
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The Emotional Tornado: How Relationship OCD Ruined
My Life and My Relationship I never thought that OCD symptoms would impact me in these ways:
Physically: panic attacks before dates and feeling sick during intimate times
Mentally: Tired from always thinking too much
Socially, I kept to myself since “normal” relationships made me feel awful.
Emotionally, I felt guilty for “faking” love.
What was the toughest part? Observing my girlfriend’s confusion and sadness upon my sudden withdrawal was the most challenging aspect. I wasn’t just hurting myself; I was harming something valuable.
My Journey to Breaking the Cycle of Treatment
1. Specialized Therapy (ERP for Relationship OCD)
My therapist told me to
Please note down my most significant concerns, such as “What if I don’t love him?”
Sit with your doubts without looking for comfort.
Don’t compare our connection to others.
The first workout caused me significant emotional distress. But with time, I realized that these notions were only mental noise and not true.
2. Help with medications
Taking a modest dosage of Lexapro, an SSRI, helped ease my anxiety, which made therapy work better. It didn’t cure everything, but it offered me some space.
3. Training in mindfulness
I practiced not getting involved when I thought things like, “There’s my ROCD again.” This approach gave me a lot of mental space between myself and my obsessions.
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Tools I Used Every Day That Saved From Relationship OCD
The 5-Minute Rule: When I feel the need to evaluate anything, I wait five minutes before doing it. Usually, the impulse goes away.
Reality Checks: I question myself, “Is this thought good or bad?” and “What would I say to a friend who was worried about this?”
Gratitude practice: Writing down three things I like about my spouse helps me get over my negative bias.
Scheduled Worry Time: I only think about things for 15 minutes a day, not while I’m being intimate.
What NOT to Do: What I Learned From My Mistakes
I learned the hard way to stay away from the following things:
- asking friends,
- quizzes, or lovers for reinforcement;
- watching romantic movies back-to-back (which made me feel bad)”;
- testing” my sentiments during personal times and staying away from joyful couples.
The Turning Point: How I Began to Heal
“When the doubt doesn’t matter?” my therapist said. That marked a pivotal moment in my journey. She said that love isn’t always a joyful feeling; it’s a decision.
That night, when the old thought, “Do you really love him?” occurred to me, I said, “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” Still, I prefer to be present. The idea lost its potency for the first time.
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Where I Am Now: Life After ROCD
Eighteen months after being better: Relationship OCD
- I can appreciate peaceful times without thinking about them.
- The mental lists of shortcomings have ended.
- Intimacy doesn’t feel like a “test”; it seems natural.
- I don’t compare our relationship timeline to other people’s anymore.
What is the most important thing? I’ve noticed that symptoms of relationship OCD become more intense when you seek certainty. It’s not about not having doubts; it’s about being there nevertheless.
Your Roadmap to Recovery – Relationship OCD
If you have relationship OCD symptoms and are having a difficult time: Relationship OCD
- Seek a therapist with ERP training.
- Accept things as they are (Doubt doesn’t mean truth)
- Learn to deal with uncertainty (the opposite of ROCD)
Talk to your spouse about your worries, but don’t use them as a therapist.
Be patient, as I only made small steps forward.
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A letter to the you that is having a hard time
Dear fighter,
I understand how strongly you desire certainty. It may be exhausting to question what should seem normal. But please be aware:
These ideas don’t show how you really feel.
Your brain is merely locked in overprotective mode; you’re not “broken.”
You need to make peace with your thoughts before you can find the love you want.
Getting better doesn’t mean never having doubts again. It’s about not being afraid of the doubt anymore.
You can do this. You are not alone. We are with you. Please connect with us for your support.
