OCD thoughts can intrude at any moment, and it occurred when I was preparing tea.
It occurred when I was preparing tea, as random OCD thoughts often do.
I suddenly envisioned a horrific scenario: what if I intentionally burned myself? My hands froze in the air. I couldn’t move even though the kettle was whistling. My pulse raced as I kept thinking, “Does this mean I’m dangerous?”
This moment was the first time I had an indelible experience with OCD thoughts, those uninvited mental invaders that would take years of my life. I didn’t know what to call these scary thoughts and pictures at the time. I only knew that my thinking scared me.
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2. When panic and OCD Thoughts
I started having panic attacks, which are those overwhelming waves of anxiety that made me gasp for breath in grocery aisles and workplace restrooms. However, what followed was even more troubling: the intrusive OCD thoughts that turned my mind into a battlefield.
They came in many different forms:
- “What if I hurt someone by mistake?” My hands would tremble when I held knives.
- “Did I forget to turn off the stove?” (I’d go back home to check eight times.)
- “Is it wrong of me to think this?” (Feeling guilty about my religion)
The more I tried to fight these ideas, the stronger they became. I made up secret rituals to “neutralize” them:
- Counting to 100 by threes
- Rewriting phrases until they “felt right.”
- Not using particular colors or numerals
- I felt so tired. Embarrassed. I was sure I was going crazy.
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3. What Are OCD Thoughts? (And Why They Lie to You)
✔ I taught in treatment that OCD thoughts are undesired (you don’t select them).
✔ Feel genuine, yet aren’t based on reality
✔ Make you anxious (which makes you want to “fix” them)
What’s the cruel trick? The ideas that scare you the most are the ones that stay. If you’re afraid of becoming aggressive, your mind will show you violent pictures. If you care about morality, it fills your head with “sinful” notions.
My therapist put it this way: “Your brain is like a broken alarm clock that goes off all the time when there isn’t any real danger.” Your attitude to the ideas gives them strength, not the thoughts themselves.
4. The kinds of OCD thoughts that drove me crazy
A. Harm OCD: “What if I push someone onto the tracks?” (I stayed away from metro stations.)
“Did I hit someone while I was driving?” (I’d go back to check the roads.)
B. Contamination OCD: I was so afraid of germs that I scrubbed my hands until they bled.
Couldn’t touch doorknobs without cleaning them beforehand
C. Religious/Moral OCD: Feeling guilty all the time over “sinful” ideas
Mental prayers that you say again and over
D. “Just Right” OCD: needing everything to be in the right place
Reading paragraphs over and again until they “felt complete.”
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5. How I Started Taking Back Control of My Mind Step—OCD Thoughts
1: The Revelation That Changed Everything
My therapist said, “What if the problem isn’t the thoughts, but how you’re dealing with them?”
This revelation changed everything. Instead of saying, “I have to get rid of these thoughts,” I learned to say, “I can notice them without reacting.”
Step 2: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
We gently let me think about things that scared me as I fought the need to do them.
For example:
Exposure: Write “I might stab someone” (to make them scared)
Response Prevention: Don’t do anything to calm down the worry (such as counting, praying, etc.).
Result: The notion lost its strength over time.
Step 3: Help with medication – OCD Thoughts
An SSRI (sertraline) helped lessen the volume of my brain’s “alarm system,” which made treatment simpler.
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Step 4: Mindfulness Techniques I did: OCD Thoughts
Putting a label on it: “That’s an OCD thought, not reality.”
Delaying rituals: slowly adding more time before giving in
Acceptance is letting yourself feel uncomfortable without fighting it.
The worst times in my life and how I got through them
The Backfire Effect: OCD Thoughts
When I initially tried to resist my urges, my anxiety skyrocketed. I was about to give up until my therapist said, “This is proof it’s working.” Your brain is figuring out how to deal with the dread.
Friends told me, “Just stop thinking about it!” (If if it were that easy.) I learned how to teach people and establish limits.
Slow Progress: OCD Thoughts
Some days I went backwards. However, I made sure to keep track of my small victories:
✔ I cut down on handwashing from 50 times a day to 20 times a day.
✔ I sent a text without rewriting it 30 times.
✔ I touched a “contaminated” surface and waited 5 minutes before washing it.
6 . Life Now: Freedom Is Possible
Today, OCD thoughts still come to visit, but they don’t stay here for free. I:
- Being a teacher (something I never believed I could do)
- Travel without having to check all the time
- Have fun without having to do mental rituals
The most essential thing I’ve learned is that ideas are only thoughts, not facts. Discomfort doesn’t last long. It’s not a straight path to recovery, but it’s worth it.
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7. If you’re having trouble with OCD thoughts…
You’re not the only one— A lot of people go through this
It’s not your fault; brain malfunctions happen.
There are therapists who specialize in OCD who can assist you.
Start small; even five minutes of resisting an urge matters.
Be patient; it takes time for neural circuits to change.
8. Organizations that helped me:
International OCD Foundation (iocdf.org)
The NAMI Helpline is 800-950-NAMI.
“The OCD Workbook” by Bruce Hyman is a book.
Sally Winston’s book “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts”
Apps:
- NOCD (tools for ERP)
- Headspace (being present)
Last thing:
If you’re reading this and have OCD thoughts,
Jena , who used to cry every day because she was so mentally tired, is now writing this with optimism. You can also break free, just like I did.
Your thinking can become better. Things may change in your life. The first thing to do is to reach out.
Please share your thoughts and experiences so others can get more help in the comment section. Love to all.
