People Pleasing Anxiety : My Experience Tip And Learning
people pleasing anxiety
I was bawling in my vehicle again around 11 PM on a Tuesday, overwhelmed by the stress caused by people pleasing anxiety.
I had just spent three hours assisting a colleague with a project that wasn’t even mine. I didn’t get to have supper with my family. My head hurt. My chest was tense.
And why? I was too scared to say no.
That’s when it struck me:
I was slowly losing myself in my desire to make everyone happy.
This wasn’t simply being “nice.” This was a concern about pleasing other people. I was always afraid that if I didn’t make everyone happy, they would leave me, reject me, or think I was selfish.
I found myself exhausted.
What is people-pleasing anxiety?
Being helpful isn’t the only thing that makes people content. It’s a strategy to stay alive by avoiding confrontation, rejection, or criticism at all costs.
It looked like this for me:
✅ Saying “yes” when I really meant “no.”
✅ Saying sorry for things that weren’t my responsibility
✅ Always concerned about what other people thought of me
✅ Feeling bad about making rules
What was the most frustrating aspect? The more I tried to make others feel better, the more worried I became.
It was a negative cycle:
Fear of being turned down ⇒ Doing too much → Resentment → Anxiety → More anxiety of being turned down
And it went around and around.
The Point of No ReturnPeople-Pleasing Anxiety
At what point did I recognize the need for change?
A friend begged me to reschedule my vacation for our anniversary so I could help her relocate. And I was nearly going to say yes.
My spouse gave me a look that said I was crazy. “Why would you even think about that?”
My concern for ensuring the happiness of others led me to prioritize her desires over my own.
That night, I understood: People Pleasing Anxiety
I was lying to myself to make other people feel better.
I had reached my conclusion.
How I Began to Heal From People Pleasing Anxiety
Step 1: Getting used to being uncomfortable
When was the last time I declined a request? I trembled for an hour after that. My brain yelled:
“They will hate you.” You’re a horrible person.
But you know what? The world did not come to an end.
Step 2: Finding My Triggers
I noticed that my concern about pleasing others was worse when: People Pleasing Anxiety
People in charge (parents, employers)
Friends I looked up to (fear of losing them)
People I didn’t know (strange, but true—I used to say sorry too much to cashiers!)
Step 3: Little Acts of Rebellion
I began small: People Pleasing Anxiety
Not responding a text right away
Not laughing at a joke that I thought was humorous
Saying “I’ll think about it” instead of “yes” right away
It became a bit easier each time.
The moment that set me free and changed everything
My aunt phoned six months after I started to “recover.” She unexpectedly asked me to organize a family party on the weekend I had planned for relaxation.
Was I still the same person I once was? Had I not been angry, I would have cleaned, cooked, and smiled.
Me again? Breathe deeply and say: People Pleasing Anxiety
“I can’t attend this time, but I hope you have a great party!”
Be quiet. Then: “Oh, okay.”
That was all there was. Stop shouting. Don’t disown me. Just… acceptance.
I shed tears of joy.
What I Learned About People Pleasing Anxiety
1. It Often Starts in Childhood
Being the “good girl” meant affection and acceptance for me from an early age. It took time to forget what I had learned.
2. Limits At first, they seem nasty (but they’re not)
It’s not selfish to say “no.” It helps you understand yourself.
3. Some people won’t like it, and that’s OK.
Some folks backed off when I stopped being “always available.” But what about the ones who stayed? They loved me for who I was, not for what I could do for them.
4. The anxiety goes down with practice.
The “what if they’re mad at me?” voice became quieter the more I respected my limitations.
Advice for those about People Pleasing Anxiety
who have trouble with anxiety about pleasing others
🔹 Start with one item this week that you can say no to.
🔹 Reframe guilt—what’s making you feelawfuld? It’s not unacceptable behavior; it’s progress.
🔹 Think about why you’re doing this: “Am I doing this out of love or fear?”
🔹 Get assistance—therapy or groups of individuals who want to satisfy others may help.
Where I Am Now: I’m not “cured.” Some days, the old anxieties come back.
But now I see them and make a new choice.
My connections are better. I don’t always feel worn out. And for the first time in a long time, I feel… free.
It’s your turn—People-Pleasing Anxiety
Are you having trouble with concern about pleasing others? What has been the toughest “no” for you? Share below so we may all recover. 💛
With love and support,
Shubhangi Halande
P.S. If this struck a chord with you, save this page. If you ever want to offer too much, read this again. You Youave the right to take up space.
Please tell us your tale in the comments. Sometimes simply saying it out loud makes it less powerful. share your story with us, let other get help.
